sometimes i wonder "what was i thinking? was i wrong?" there are other times i think to myself "what is with them? why are they just starring at me like im crazy?" I can honestly say I have a few loose screws here and there, but all out of good intentioning. yes I am ca-razy, yes i sometimes.. no, many times.. dont hold back the first thought that is in my mind. But what's wrong with that if mean streaks never flow through me. so far in my 20 years of living, the amount of people who tell me that i'm doing something wrong must range already in the thousands. Truth be told, im not too embarrased or ashamed to admit my qualities. I like to go out till the break of dawn, I like to procrastinate, I like to prank, I like to set out on seemingly challenging goals, I like to transform my persona by changing my voice to multiple and unnatural pitches and tones, I like to ellaborate almost completely on all things including my wardrope. I am out in the public eye, doing all of this that makes me feel me, because i am the most comfortable when I'm sort of standing out in a mono-type crowd. My attitude of acceptance reminds me of a saying from one of my favorite reality spokesperson, in one of my favorite- fashion onward, reality shows of this season (Kourtney and Kim Take New York). Khloe Kardashian, sporting a furry beanie with furry ears, says to her sister "You're so perfect with your perfect little eyes... and perfect little lips.. and I am a rebel, in a wolf's head." Khloe Kardashian and i have many similarities in our personalities in that we are jokers, enterpreneurs, risk takers and pretty much can't give a damn deep down about how others think of what we really are. At work, we've let go a series of college students who came down to work for a semester, but recently we've picked up and trained a new set of college workers. Last semester's crew was like a second family to me of older brothers and sisters; I was my original wacky self and not only did they embrace and accepted me like a work sister, but they also set aside their layer of coolness and entered my realm of fun and laughs. Everyday at work was a joy and something to actually look forward to. The new crew we have now are mainly too busy in keeping their cool to actually enjoy the people they have beside them and kind of squash the memories that we could share. I suspect some to be very judgemental people. Then again, i kind of dont mind being judge. As matter of fact, being judged comes with the territory of having such a extroverted and different personality. Yesterday in my french class, i can recall when one of my classmates said to me (completely out of the blue) something in the likes of "You're not anything like how you look like you should be, you're actually very different. But in a good way." And so I again ponder and remind myself "so what that i am that crazy being." There's nothing really wrong with the people in this world who are just like me. Unique and geniune, and I wouldn't have it any other way. We actually are blessings to this world, keeping it balanced. I say that a criticism might change an instant impression of someone that might last a minute, but a smile can change a heart. I may be ca-razy, but I make people smile and I make them feel good about life. I'm crazy for fun, I have a love for this world and a compassion for caring. Most importantly, there are people in this world who love me for who i am. I say that although I may have "missing screws" but I am a complete human being at heart. I love who I am and I wouldnt want to alter it to anything else. All I can ask for is for wisdom that comes at its time.
