Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I texted him, he still hasn't replied back

I was cleaning out my vault of old documents on my PC when i stumbled onto this. I thought it was sweet and could possibly relate to many girls out there too. And yes, I am writing to myself. :P               

Dont get mad, dont get mad, dont get upset. Remember your curiosity led you to this. Now he's not giving you the information you wanted, but you can pretty much figure out what your trying to identify. Obviously, he doesnt care anymore. he doesnt care much for your friendship. he's no longer caring for what you can offer to him intimately. what had happened is officially done. Its not that he's a bad person, its just he's no longer interested. I know you want to be upset right now, and wish him something maybe a little bit off. But don't, because you dont mean it. You're just upset because you do care for him, and technically you will always care for him because he was your first. The first one who treated you like his actual princess. Everyone in life will always be attached to their first, but that doesn't mean that its in the cards for everyone to always be stuck with their first. I'm guessing the very, very few that do must've had a particular purpose in that. But you are one out of the ga-gillion people in this world who cannot have their first beside them forever. I thought I could rule out the system. I was ok with the idea that he cannot be mine, but that maybe we could be friends forever. That actually does usually happen for most people, so why not me? I think the problem is you're trying to force the situation, when it might just be out of your hands. You are frustrating and hurting yourself. You need to understand that this is not up to you, no matter how badly you want it. You can control the tangible and immovible things around you and have that help manipulate your surroundings, but you cannot control a person or their feelings. Each person has their own will and power to only themselves. If I really want it that bad, I guess I just have to surrender the ongoing battle over "making it" come true, and just turn around and ask for it from the only identity that does have power over all things. At the same time, I cannot let this thought consume me and everything I hope for. I cannot make it become the only good outcome out of this already trialing situation. Remember that things happen for reason, each person has a specific life planned out for them and there are people in life that are placed infront you for either just a day, season, year or century. They are meant there for that specific quantity of time and that's all. I can't pretend to seek all that is to happen in my life, or try to steer my life and the people I'd like in the direction that only I want it to be. Remember that what you're experiencing is normal and happens to everyone. Everyone will always be attached to their first whether they're still with them or not. Probably even _______ (i took out his name) is still attached to his first. I know that you wanted more, but maybe you just can't anymore. This will just have to be another hard lesson learned.It'll be ok though, it always ends up ok. You still have more things going for you and you just need to steer your focus back on those things in order to really be happy with yourself again. :) 

Ps. At the end, he did text back the morning after :)

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